Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
