You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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