If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
