You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
