I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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