It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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