i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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