Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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