Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
