I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
