My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
