Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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