Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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