I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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