i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
