The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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