I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
