I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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