she looked like the before picture.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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