If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
