Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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