My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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