He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
