My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
