i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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