Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
