I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
