omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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