Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
