hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
