I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
