Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
