Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
