Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
