The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
