Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
people are starting to question the shark bite story
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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