So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
