I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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