I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
