Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is Oprah even human
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
