I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
