Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
