Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
