im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
