We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
