Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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