Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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