Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
