I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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