And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
