you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
