You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
