He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
