I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
